Sorry, We're Still Not Famous

Paralysis of Choice and Healing your Inner Child

I’m an eldest daughter raised by a single mom and attended a religious school. This is why I am the way I am: a medicated ball of anxiety, a people pleaser and narcissist at the same time, and a Lana del Rey fan since I was eleven. Most likely, I wasn’t always this way. Sure, I was moody, temperamental, and praying to be the center of attention at all times. I was also ecstatic about life, insanely creative, and adored by all my teachers. My entire life was full of “you’re so talented and gifted”. I’ve played piano and sang since I was six. I was in ballet at the age of three. I joined the school choir and even the school band so I could sing on stage more often. I always wanted to travel, meet all kinds of people, perform on stage, and make it to Broadway. Now it’s filled with “So what are you going to do next?” and “Where are you working?” and “Have you worked on any music?”. While I appreciate everyone remembering the ambitious young child I was, I don’t want to crush those thoughts with “I have no idea, at a contract part-time job with no health insurance, and no, I’ve still never been able to write a song.”

I moved to New York during the pandemic and got just what I wanted. I studied Music Business and participated in private singing lessons. I took painting, ballet, and music journalism as electives at university. I studied abroad in central Europe and met all kinds of people; it turned out, I was not the most talented or interesting teenage girl after all. I knew two languages, watched international movies, and listened to all kinds of music. I was content with that and thought this made me someone you’d want to know. Suddenly everyone had been an AP student, left the country before I got to, and had already seen my favorite movies and loved ones I had never heard of. My dreams were not rare, to quote Miss Swift. Everyone’s thing was music. Everyone’s thing was film. Everyone read books and stayed after class to talk with the professors who did not give a crap about who we were. Until my junior year, I had maybe three friends who didn’t truly know me, an obsession with actors who were double my age, and a journal full of things girls have been writing since they invented the wheel.

I had already decided to do so many things by the time I could walk, but I found out everyone else did too, and most of the time, they were better than I was. What did I have to contribute that someone couldn’t already do better than me? Until recently, this idea ruled over with me and I must admit that I’m nowhere near over it. I boo myself off stage before I can even audition. I forget that I’m allowed to be ambitious. At the time, I believed that whatever you’re good at should become a career. The capitalist message we are often told is “turn your hobbies into a business”. I want to do so much that if it all becomes a business, I will never sleep or see my family again. The issue I have is that I want everything but not enough to commit to it.

I want to be a music supervisor but refuse to move my life to Los Angeles. I want to be a rockstar but tour life is not for me (assuming I would even get to this point), I need my privacy, and I can’t even write a chorus I don’t despise. I want to be a marketing and brand partnerships executive but I will always be jealous those campaigns aren’t for me but for other artists actually making a name for themselves. I want to be a music journalist but I promise you this post alone has at least seven grammar errors despite my chronic proofreading. I love fashion, baking, and drawing but none of these feel like a career path for me. I love creating content on social media but I don’t believe there is longevity in this type of work.

In high school, I expressed my problem to my history teacher. He said '“don’t worry about it, that happens to smart people”. While it was a sweet comment, it didn’t exactly solve my issue. He then asked me “When do you feel most yourself?” and without thinking I said when I was performing. I must admit it shocked me how fast I said it. This moment has been in my thoughts lately because I came across the following Tim Burton quote and it stopped me dead in my tracks:

“Anybody with artistic ambitions is always trying to reconnect with the way they saw things as a kid”

Many say if you’re feeling lost, looking back to the things you liked as a kid is a good place to start. l wanted to be on tour with Hannah Montana and a celebrity stylist like I was in Style Savvy on my Nintendo DSi. I wanted to be a ballerina and Hollywood actress. In some ways, I still want those things. I’ve accomplished a lot but sometimes it feels like I let little Daniela down. We were supposed to have won a Grammy by now, but here I am writing on a blog and watching Great British Bake Off- and that’s ok.

The more I think about younger Daniela, the more I want to honor her. She was bullied and praised and confused and alone and that’s a lot on a little girl. It’s still a lot on twenty-two-year-old me. I may never be a celebrity stylist but I’m a VIP on Dress to Impress on Roblox. I’ll never open my own bakery, but I can bake Latin pastries at home once a month. I’ll never be a rockstar with original music, but I can sing songs and share them with my friends online. I’ll never be a ballerina, but I can take barre classes as a workout. It’s about honoring the things that make you ‘you’. (barf) I want to tell you that your hobbies don’t need to become a career. You don’t even have to be good at them. If something brings you joy, find a space for that thing at least once a month. I wish I could take back all the time I spent comparing myself to others and spend it making something for myself. Even if I tried and fell flat on my face, it’s better than thinking about trying and maybe falling flat on my face.

While I hope to work on this mentality for the rest of my life, I’m challenging myself to commit fully to the things that interest me for the rest of 2025. I will color while watching Modern Family, bake cookies on a rainy day, dance in my living room, write shitty songs, and dress like my MovieStarPlanet avatar with no shame. Progress isn’t linear, my boyfriend reassures me of that often. Here’s the thing, the time will pass anyway. If someone is better than you at something, they’re better than you at something. If someone has the money to pursue their craft full-time while you’re paying $15 for a salad during your lunch break, I hope it reminds you of what you’re working towards. It’s not fair and more often than not it’s hard to be grateful in any capacity sometimes. That said, when I look back to seven-year-old me, she’d think I’m her cool aunt who lives in New York City and met Bad Bunny that one time. She’d think it’s awesome I work in the music industry, even if I’m not the one headlining the festivals. She’d think I’m the girl who worked on TV even if she was behind the camera. Our dreams have come true, just not how we thought. To nine-year-old me I say: no, we’re not famous and no, we aren’t an EGOT, but we still have time.

I hope this encourages you to think about your younger self and do something they’d love today. Color some pages, eat a cookie, or play Club Penguin. This is still a new thought for me as I still want to pursue music and entertainment, just not sure what part of it yet. Everything feels so up in the air at the moment and writing this really grounded me and reminded me there is so much I’ve yet to do. It means a lot that you made it to this sentence and took some time out of your day to read my word vomit :) Follow Dani Is Dizzy for all things pop culture, music, entertainment, and Nueva York living. As always, my socials are down below:

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-Daniela Torres